“I just have to know… Could you ever love me?” he asks you, voice quivering, tears running unchecked down his face, leaving a trail glistening in the firelight.
You take a deep breath, you had been dreading this moment for months. Hoping against hope that he wouldn’t do it, but there it is, already out on the table. “Are you sure you want to ask me that?” You ask quietly, a gentleness in your voice, a subtle softness that is scary in it’s intensity to any who know you well, and he knows you better than most. Just obviously not enough to have refrained from asking. You always say, don’t ask the question if you don’t want the answer, but this once you are giving him a chance. A chance to retract the question that won’t ever go the way he wants.
“You know I do,” he pleads. “I just… I can’t keep doing this dance, not without knowing. You know that I am so far gone for you that there is never any who will suffice.” A firmness seeps in to his voice, a knowledge that none could ever replace you.
Sighing, you look him in the eyes, knowing what you will say next will only hurt him. “There will come a day you will regret that, you know you will wish you never asked.” You shake your head, there is no getting away from it now. It is there and he isn’t going to back down. Not now. Not ever. “I told you, from the very beginning, not to fall for me. I told you that it would only lead you down a path of pain and heartache. I am who I am, and that is never going to change. That means that I am fluid, and I go where the winds of change take me. Always and forever, they are my only home. All that happens to those around me is chaos that is left in my wake. It is not on purpose mind, it is just who I am and I can’t change that. I am sorry I can’t be everything you desire, everything you deserve. But don’t fret… you will find it someday, somewhere. It will hit you when you are finally done seeking it out, and it will be that much more beautiful for the roads that led you to it. You will find your happiness, and then… on that day… that is when you will truly realize why you’ll wish you had never asked, because on that day you will find something so much more. Something I could never provide, but something that fills you deep in those places that live inside that you don’t even know exist. That is when you will be thankful for me now, for this moment of pain and loss that you are feeling, because you will be so very thrilled with the life you gain.” You finish, a lump in your throat, knowing that every word is true, and knowing deep inside, that you will never find that, and you wish for a moment, a very selfish and tiny moment that you could have that, that you could have him.
He just sits there, watching you, eyes wide, mouth slightly ajar. “Really… how… how could you know all that?” His voice quivering with the intensity of the emotions twirling through the air.
You look down, eyes shimmering. “The same way I know all of the things I know… It is something I don’t question, I just accept.”
There you have it… crazy deep and unexpected. What comes to mind when you read the prompt? Share your thoughts in the comments below, I love hearing from you! And if you like what you find here, please check out the anthologies I am published in, the MN Emerging Writers and the National Edition!
Random Acts of Writing 