Tag Archives: life journey

Memoir Moments: Chemo

Hey all, coming at you with another short piece from my writing class. This one is another true telling, of sorts. It is actually two different events all rolled into one. Names may have been changed to protect identities…

Chemo, yet again. You would think that after five years this would be old hat, but no. The sharp tang of hospital chemical assaults your nose. Nothing like strong chlorine to wake up the senses with a jolt. Glancing around the room you see all the usuals, but in the chair next to your’s is a new face. She seems pretty bubbly, the day is looking up, of course unless she is obnoxiously positive. Man alive can those people grate on your last nerve. Nothing like Sally Positive to really make your skin crawl.
The clicking of IVs echos through the small room. Every week you go in, sit in your designated chair, drink water from the big plastic cup they keep for you, with your name on it in black sharpie on the lid, and wait through your several hours of chemo. Drip, drip, drip, go the IVs. Beep, Beep, Beep, go the monitors. A never ending drone that you eventually learn to tune out. But every week it is like the first time all over again. A cacophony of sound, banging through your head, until you learn to turn it all down and hear what you want to hear.
“Hi there, I’m Becky. What are you in for?” she asked you, beaming.
“Hodgkin’s… some trial drug chemo experience. You know, the one we all sign up for,” you tell her with a laugh. “What about you?”
“Oh, just maintenance Chemo. Ovarian Cancer.” She says, the smile wilting a little.
You can’t help but cringe. Ovarian… that’s a death sentence. Ouch. Of course you would never say such things to her, upbeat, encouraging, positive, that’s how all the strong cancer patients face the day.
“Doesn’t cancer just suck” you say in response. All the fun and we even sign up for this crap” you murmur.
She laughs, “too true.” She glances at your girlfriend and sees the knitting she has pulled out. “Oh that is so fun, what are you creating? Oh, and I didn’t catch your names…”
“I am B, and my girlfriend is SaraBeth.” You answer her.
“I am knitting a shrug” your girlfriend answers. “I mostly make up my own patterns, but this one looked cute, so I thought I would give it a whirl.”
“That is really great! I wish I could do something like that. Bet that will take a while.” Becky says.
“Oh not really, if I don’t finish this today, I will have it done before next week’s Chemo.”
“That would be amazing, you will have to bring it so I can see it! Hey Kelly, I am due back same time next week right?” She asks laughing, knowing the answer is of course yes. “What about you B? Are you due back same time next week?” she asks you.
“It would seem so” you answer, laughing yourself. Something cuts you off though, a tightening in your throat. It would seem that this time things are different. Your girlfriend drops her knitting and gets the nurse over there. Codes are called, the room moving into a flurry of activity. Mere moments, that seem to last an eternity there is a room full of staff, and they are pumping you full of antihistamines. Your veins feel like ice, the room feels too hot to breathe.

Let me know what you think in the comments below! I love to hear from you!

Memoir Moments: Last Moments

Well, there has been a change in plans, but the lists are soon to come, I am sure!  Instead, may I share with you a piece I wrote for one of my creative writing classes.  This is a piece from my memoir collection, please don’t hesitate to tell me what you think!

Last Moments

The room was silent, death hovering in the air. It was so thick you breathed it in with every breath, a heaviness that was cloying. Her eyes flew open, clear for the first time in days. A stark contrast to the glazed over look she had lately.
She ripped off her oxygen mask, something that had become an accessory over the course of a month. Leaving her lips ragged and chapped. There was a wildness about her, a finality in that moment.
“Fuck” she swore. The word loud and sharp in the darkness. Her eyes looked around wildly, her hand grasping. I moved up close to her, taking her seeking hand in mine.
“I am right here, love. It is alright.” I assured her. The hand I clasped tightly, cold and limp, a jarring contrast to the heat of mine and the strength she always had.
Her breath wheezed in, raggedly a couple times. A heavy cough rattled out, foam and blood dotting her lips. She shook her head no and slammed the recliner shut with a strength that had been lost to her days ago, surprising us all.
Looking directly in my eyes, a calmness settled over her. “I love you” she whispered to me. The finality in her voice makes me suck in all my air, holding my breath to keep the tears threatening to fall at bay. Her eyes widened and all the air left her in a final ragged gasp. The room going silent in the predawn hours once more. Stunned silence keeping us all still only moments. Kenny reaching up, feels for a pulse, grabs his stethoscope and says quietly to the room, “time of death 5:43” the tears running freely down his face as he calls his own daughters time of death. My wife was gone.

 

I hope that you enjoyed this piece, and again, leave any thoughts in the comments below!

Currently – In My Life

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I have some exciting things going on in my life these days! I just had to share with you all. I am looking at finally delving into the work that I have been moving towards for several years now! And I can’t wait to see how it goes!
What is more, I have been taking some great online classes trying to get some certifications. I just finished up the Personal Branding course last week and have several more that I am hard at work on (check out my LinkedIn to see my certificates). If you have not heard of Coursera, I totally suggest you check it out! It is a great resource.

 

What about you? Is life moving in a direction you want? If not, what are some easy steps you can take to move it towards your goals?!? Share with me, as always I LOVE to interact with you all!

Not Forgotten!

fairymeMy dear, marvelous readers, you have not been forgotten!  The end of summer has just left me with a lot on my plate, but I did promise you that I have a very exciting idea coming up!  And I really do!  More on that to be announced soon!

Also, I would love your help, I am currently in the works of planning some more wonderful ideas for your reading pleasure and I would like to add a weekly Vlog post… what is it that you would most like to see from me?!?  Everything is possible!  I hope to have some great content up soon!  Thanks ever so much for your patience!

Current Events

Well, having a scheduled plan is nice and all, but I have to say, while I do not often write about any current events, I needed to write about this one! Sides, everyone wants to know about my weekend, am I right, or am I write?!?  *grins*

B & I at our wedding!
B & I at our wedding!

Friday it happened!  Same sex marriage is legal in the United States!  A little known fact about me, I had an amazing wife, and while we never were legally married, we celebrated our marriage that lasted a year and a month before she passed away!  Seeing our country finally make it legal for everyone, it was a big thing for me. Something my wife would have been right there on the front lines trying to make happen.  I spent an emotional day remembering my amazing wife, and looking at how far things have come and the changes we are seeing.

MeNSushi
Here I am, with my amazing sushi!

I am blessed with an amazing sister (honestly I have several amazing sisters, not to mention several amazing brothers as well!) and long before we knew that change was going to take place we had already decided to go out for a formal dinner, just because!  And where did my sister take me you may ask? To this really great sushi place in Fargo! I can’t remember the name of the place right now, but I have some fun pictures!

A friend who joined us in our excursion! (also eating some amazing sushi and no he didn't know I was snapping his pic!)
A friend who also got sushi! (no he didn’t know I was snapping his pic!) 
CelNSalmon
My sister and her teriyaki salmon! (it was very amazing as well!)

Continue reading Current Events

Let It Go!

Today is Let It Go Day!  Nowadays hearing that we instantly think of Frozen and Elsa singing this rather infamous song.

Now before there is any groaning, I have to admit that I really love this song!  It is very empowering to sing it in your car at the top of your lungs and not worry about who is listening!

That said, think about it.  A day that is actually devoted to letting it all go! There are so many things that we hold on to that do us no good!  Habits that we need to break, relationships that we hold on to long after they have ended, life events that live in our past!

It is time to leave the past in the past!  Take a brave new step forward into a new chapter in our lives. One where instead of dwelling on that past negativity, instead, we focus on the positive. On where we want our lives to go.  On the person we want to be. On the life we want to create. Wouldn’t that make you a happier person at the end of the day? I know it would me!

So, take this moment, and sing along with Elsa, even if it is just in your head, and stop wasting your precious energy on the past. Instead, step into a brave new day with me, while I too take this moment and let go of those things that no longer suit me or my life, and instead write a new chapter, see a new tomorrow that has a brighter dawn and builds a positive future!

Thanks for tuning in to another strange holiday visit with me! What about you? Are there things that you need to let go of, but maybe don’t want to? Something you have carried around for years and don’t even realize anymore?